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Ma,
Sorry ta hear thet the Rugers an Colts are ta feuding agin. I'll tell ya what I thin on it later. Ya know how I git. Jes case ya bin wonderin, it takes a Balhawk 144 hours an 23 minutes ta fly halfway round the world. Probbly shuddna tol yo thet. It's classyfied. Ifn ya aint already ded when I gits home, im gonna hafta shoot ya. Ya knows I be jes kiddin ma.
Mama, ya gotta believe me. Nobodies done toll me bout no "change sign" key. It's got this + sign on it thet means "more" an the - sign thet means "less" an thet / thinggy thet means "or" so natcherly I sumed it meant "more or less." Twas an honest mastake. I jes wantcha ta stop bein all riled up at me.
I'm kinda worried ‘bout ol Slim. He waked hisself up jes like the lady sayd, but he caint recall a thin. An he jes caint believe thet a whitewarshed Injun shot im with a sticker thorn an we had ta trade a Willie Nelson CD ta get him back. Thet wouldnt make no nevermind ceptn now hes gittin hisself all riled up cause he caint fine his spurs. He thins sumbody done hid em fur a joke. An we caint xactly tellem thet some youngins done run off with em and we wasn't about ta foller after seein ol Slim a twitchin like thet. So we commmenced on tellin him thet he got drunk an lost em to a Tijuana Polleece Chief in a poker game. He settled down a mite, but I thin he's still a wondrin.
Now bout thet Colt an Ruger feud. Somebody's gotta set them fellers down an splain a few thins. Them Colt Naturalists look at Cowboy Shootin' an try ta magine what it wouldda been like in olden times based on ol' TV shows an the booklearnin they done. No real cowpoke ever wore no fancy-dancy Ruger an ya aint gonna ketch a Naturalist wearin em neither. Cowpokes done wore Peacemakers an Dragoons an ol rickety thins held with bailin wire. Colt Naturalists want guns like Clint Walker an Dale Robertson done wore. An secretly, they's a thinnin thet them Ruger Practicalists jes don git it an are ruinin the purity of the sport. But thet taint it.
Ruger Practicalists lookit their hoglegs an say, "we still gotta cock em, we still gotta hit the dang targets so stop yer whinin." Sides there taint nothin like the solid smoothness of a highly tuned Ruger thet a pard with a wimmpyass Colt aint never gonna reckon on. An thars sumthin ta be said fur thet when ya go ta shootin a passel load a lead, thet lessen ya go an do sumthin plum loco, yur iron taint gonna go ta splodin in yur face like they done in the olden days. An deep down, Ruger Practicalist thin that them Colt Naturalists know thet Rugers is better guns. Theys jest wont admit it cause theys jealous. But thet taint it.
This's what it tis: BlamClank. Both the Colts and Rugers knowd it. BlamClank. Nuthin purdier in all o shootin. BlamClank BlamClank BlamClankBlamClankBlamClank. Than ya picks up yur scattergun an pull the trigger. "Boom" the knockdown goes ta flyin base over yonder four times. "Boom" the next one goes flyin base over yonder. An some pard in the back says, "He done knocked the tar outta thet one." Boom Boom Boom Boom. Then ya gits yur Rifle ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank ChickBlamClank. Then ya pulls yer pistol BlamClank BlamClank BlamClank Blam(Stealth) BlamClank. BlamClank BlamClank BlamClank BlamClank BlamClank. Dang. Dang. Ya kick the 55 gallin can an yur foot hurts like the dickins, but ya don't care cause the stealth bullet done gotcha gin. Dang. Dang. Dang. Them lowdown sneaky mean no good stealth bullets. An they don't put twenty or thirty in yur ammo box neither. Oh no, they jes put one. Not two. Not Three. Jes one. Fourteen matches in a row. One stinkin miserable stealth bullet. What kinda sick mean lowdown slimey sumbitch'd go round jes puttin one stealth bullet in yur ammo. One stinkin miserable stealth bullet. Whaal, I tell ya Ma, I'm gonna track them bastards ta the endda the Earth iffn I hafta, but I'm gonna git em. An thets a promise, Ma. I'm gonna git em.
I done it agin, dint I?
I love ya Ma.
Sage
An don't go a worryin bout them Colts an Rugers. They'll figgur it out.
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